The Beauty of Beforehand

Do you know what it's like to love someone before ever having met them?

What it's like to pray with every bit of faith your soul can muster over someone's life, their heart, their purpose...before ever actually seeing the day they'd grab hold of destiny?

Have you ever loved someone so deeply, before ever getting the chance to wrap your arms around them + kiss the warmth of their cheek?

I didn't comprehend the beauty + depth of love at this level until it hit me the other day that this is the kind of love I carry for the gift of my precious baby boy that I've carried in my womb for the last 29 weeks.

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I didn't realize how great our capacity is to actually love unconditionally, to love just 'cause. To sincerely hope, speak + believe the best of someone before ever actually seeing their face.

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This kind of love is found within the heart of every mother–the ones who've carried, raised or are in hopeful anticipation to bear children.

It was in the heart of our ancestors, the trailblazers + forerunners who declared destiny over the generations that would follow them.

It's in the heart of every human who's eyes see the suffering or injustice of another, longing for the broken to be comforted, healed, restored + filled with hope again.

And I've come to realize that this love is only a glimpse of the infinite wonder of God's love for each of us.

"Before I formed you in the womb,
I knew and approved of you as My chosen instrument,
and before you were born, I separated + set you apart, consecrating you; and I appointed you
as a prophet to the nations."

– Jeremiah 1:5 (AMPC)

Before.
Meaning ahead of time.
Ahead of time.

Beloved friend, these words you're about to read from my journal are not just for my soul.
They are for you too.
Read them.
Pray them.
Believe them.
But above all else, receive them.

Father.
Your breath spoke me into existence.
You know me deeply + intimately.

You loved me before I could do anything–
before I could fail,
before I could do anything worth calling "good."

You loved me + I was enough for you–
before the screw ups,
before there was performing
and striving
and hustling
and earning.

Before I could do anything,
I was simply being...
known + loved by you.

You are + have been singing over me.
Not anthems of judgement,
devestation or destruction.
Not broken records of one hit wonders
only about my failure
to measure up to perfection.
But heart songs colored
with the joy + delight you have
over me–
that speak highly of me,
that speak life, hope,
faith + destiny into me.

Return my heart + soul to that place–
that place where I was worthy
beforehand,
where I was loved
beforehand,
marked + purposed
beforehand.

That place of deep, deep knowing,
of inseparable closeness,
the kind of closeness that puts
you in me + I in you.
Abiding in your love.