Stop Ruining Your Own Surprises
I think there’s one word that has the power to either send our hearts into a thrill of happy or a storm of crappy.
One word that can breathe life into or suck the joy right out of a moment:
“SURPRIIIIIIIISE!!!”
Anyone who’s ever heard that word spontaneously screamed at them knows what I’m talking about.
Recently, I received some news that I wasn’t expecting. One heck of a surprise had just popped up in my life. I should’ve been doing cartwheels down the street. But I was freaked out more than I was excited.
And in the middle of my crappy storm, my heart was nudged when I thought about Ephesians 2:10. It says:
“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
And then I got to thinking...maybe surprises aren’t so bad after all.
That verse tells us that God has created good things for our lives beforehand, which tells me that there’s a whole lot of surprises that’ll be coming my way–goodness that I didn’t foresee but he did.
He knows all and is in complete control.
I know nothing and have little to no control.
I define surprises as uncontrollable situations with unexpected outcomes. Which in all honesty sounds like THE scariest thing on this planet.
But laying in my bed in the dark of the early morning, I realized there was a surprise that had just came into my world that I saw as more of an inconvenience rather than a shift of exciting beginnings. It caught me off guard, and I found myself feeling more like “Yaaaaay” *insert eye roll* than “YAY!” *insert wild prancing.*
And really this past year has felt like nothing but a wild ride of surprises:
Surprise! I want you to quit your job!
Surprise! You’re gonna be an entrepreneur!
Surprise! Let’s blog again!
Surprise! You’re starting a podcast!
Surprise! We’re having another baby!
Yep. That’s right. I’m pregnant! 17 weeks preggo with baby #2!
Woosah.
Looking back on this past year’s unexpected yet God-directed turns, I’m challenged because I see that I ought to love God’s spontaneity.
Because His surprises expand our capacity and territory.
His surprises bring out of us what he already put into us.
His surprises take us places our imagination couldn’t dream up.
His surprises invite love into our lives at greater depths.
Maybe you’re the type that loves surprises and the thrill of being met with goodness you didn’t see coming.
Maybe you hate them because you don’t like being in situations where you’re unprepared.
Or maybe, like me, you ruin them for yourself because you’re always trying to figure out what plans are being made behind the scenes.
I think many of us surprise-haters and spoilers are doing ourselves a total disservice. I think we’re robbing ourselves of seeing God’s beauty + wonder in our lives because our need to control things gets in the way.
If the things we want happen too late, too soon or not at all, we cross our arms and pout. When we refuse to embrace God’s will because it doesn’t match our own, we enter this cycle of self-sabotage that blocks us from experiencing deep gratefulness, joy and meaning.
Jesus said that anyone who clings to their life will lose it. But anyone who loses their life for his sake will find it.
Meaning that anyone who intends to hang onto their definitions of what their life ought to look like, who seeks to rescue it from being used as God sees fit, who continues to say no to him instead of yes, will actually end up destroying and losing their lives.
But anyone who entrusts their life into God’s hands + lets go of their will being done for the sake of his will being accomplished in and through them, they will discover and forever have an eternity of the very joy, peace, love and connection they were striving for.
We lose what we really crave when we refuse to loosen our grip. But we gain everything we need when we humbly let go.
Back about a year ago, through a series of insanely intentional events and talks with God, he told me to leave my job at my local church.
I had been wrestling with the move for weeks, praying like crazy for clarity on if this was really what he wanted me to do. And now I find it funny that I was so freaked out that all of this was unfolding, when God was actually just answering my prayers.
See, when I was at the tail-end of my maternity leave after having my first daughter, Karter, I remember holding her in my arms while sitting on the worn little hand-me-down leather couch in our small one bedroom apartment. I told my husband Kevin, “Man I wish there was a way I could work from home to be with you + Karter.”
Kev nodded in agreement, and we knew that would require that he make more money at work. So we spoke a quick, little little faith prayer, something like, “Jesus, if you want that to happen, make it make sense.”
So there I was, just 6 months after that wishful prayer in my living room that God had completely flipped things around: Kev was getting promotions and raises at work, while I was getting my hours cut in half and God was now telling me it was time to go.
And while I said this is what I wanted, I guess the reality was that I spoke that desire not really thinking God cared enough to answer.
It was like I was an unbelieving believer, talking to God with more of wishful thinking than a confident request. So the fact that God was actually answering my prayers was frightening, and I was torn because i was also afraid of leaving my norm, my security and my comfort to come home to care for my daughter and pursue these new ventures God had put on my heart to do.
There was no clear-cut game plan.
I didn’t know exactly what this all looked like or how it was going to happen.
But it got to the point where I just knew i couldn’t stay where I was.
And as I shared my hesitations with one of my mama-mentors, she lovingly and sternly told me this: "If you stay, knowing that God is telling you to go, you need to be okay with every blessing you will miss out on because of your disobedience."
Friend, you + I aren’t in a position to receive God’s best if we’re unwilling to let go of our own little versions of good.
As long as we white-knuckle our lives and try to keep everything in the limited grasp of our own hands, we need to know that also means we’re forfeiting whatever the hands of the Creator the Universe are longing to give to us.
And those hands are pretty big, so I imagine it’s a whole lot more than we can grasp.
But I think our ability to let go is directly connected to our view of God.
We’ve gotta stop looking at god like he’s Sid from Toy Story: this kill-joy with a twisted delight in seeing us suffer or being uncomfortable. I think God is actually more like Robin Williams in Mrs. Doubtfire.
You know that scene early on in the movie where Miranda pulls up to her house from work?
She’s completely embarrassed as she’s greeted by an annoyed police officer who’s been waiting to issue a ticket for the noise ordinance violation and for the corral of farm animals on her front porch and sidewalk.
She apologizes to the cop and rushes up the stairs, past a little billy goat eating her begonias.
She bravely opens the door and pushes past the clusters of balloon streamers that greet her at the entryway. “Jump Around” by House of Pain is blaring through the speakers.
Two kids chase right past her before she can take a step.
She turns to her left to find her formal family room full of dancing kids while a pair of girls with pointy party hats alternate jumping on her couch and coiled curls of multicolored ribbons cover the floor. She removes her sunglasses, her eyes and mouth wide with speechless shock at the mayhem of kids playing volleyball with balloons + literally swinging from the chandelier.
She turns around to find a donkey eating the cake she had picked up after work. And her attention is caught by the culprit of this extravaganza.
Disappointment washes over her face as Daniel, who was supposed to be on daddy duty, is instead in the middle of a dance routine with his son and a friend on the dining room table. His sideways baseball cap proves he means serious business. Her daughters are dancing with their friends, completely unbothered and in the middle of having the time of their lives.
Daniel and the boys hit a jumping turnaround move and he sees his wife’s mortified face. “Miranda! Wazzup?! You’re home early girlfriend. There’s a birthday in the house.” To which she replies, “What the hell is going on around here?!”
This scene is just a preview of really what the entire movie is about: a fun-loving dad who will do whatever it takes to be with his kids and an uptight mom who values her controlled structures more.
And I think Daniel and Miranda are perfect mirrors of God’s heart for surprises and our disdain for anything being done outside our control.
When God seems to intrude on your regularly scheduled programming to bring change, do you welcome it with celebration?
When he surprises you with something new and unfamiliar, does your heart fill with joy that your Good Father’s good plans are happening all around you?
Do you find the nearest couch to jump on, or grab hold of a chandelier?
Do you dance alongside him?
Or do you just see unmanageable chaos because nothing is aligning with your plans + expectations?
Do you instead find yourself shocked, disappointed or even angry because you can’t believe God is actually being God + your cute little agenda isn’t included?
There's a verse that says, “Surely or only goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life (Psalm 23:6).”
Friend, I believe God wants to wow you with his goodness. He wants to woo you with his mercy.
He’s always looking for ways to give you grace, giving you the things you don’t deserve. He’s always looking for ways to extend to you mercy, not giving you the things you do deserve.
And in James 1, we’re told we can “count it all joy” when we face the surprises of trials, because in the hard things, we get to experience a new facet of God’s love for us and in turn, will grow us with strength and endurance.
He’s a Good Father. And if we really take him at his word and embrace that, I think the unplanned and unexpected things that show up in our lives would begin to actually give us joy instead of mourning. (lol)
I think we also need to understand that sometimes the line between good and bad surprises is grey.
We look at things like promotions, financial increase, weddings, babies and dream opportunities as the good ones and anything that includes pain or suffering as bad. We give God credit when our definitions of goodness are happening... and then turn around + doubt him or blame the devil when they’re not.
And while I’d agree that blessings are all the things i just named–I’m cringing saying this–but I’m also learning there’s blessing in my discomfort, there’s purpose still found in pain, and there’s joy that can be given in the thick of suffering.
I know getting a report from the doctor with news that you’re not as healthy as you thought you were isn’t something you may initially jump up and down about. But what if we did?
I know this sounds nuts. And I’m not saying to we ought to be happy THAT bad things happen. But what if we counted it all joy? What if we clung to the fact that this surprise was going to grow us and put a demand on God’s power that we hadn’t seen before? It’s not that we’re celebrating the bad that’s shown up, but are expectant and excited for the good God who will.
I wonder if...
instead of determining if the surprises that show up in our lives are good or bad by how they benefit us in the moment, what if we determined their goodness by how much they reel us into God’s Love?
Any surprise that doesn’t require you to need, lean on or draw you closer to God isn’t from God. But even any bad surprise can be turned around by God for your good.
And now, for the surprise lovers: have you been waiting for God to surprise you with what he’s promised you but you find yourself weary from waiting?
Friend, it’s not that the desires of your heart will never happen.
I know there are things you want so, so badly.
Like to get married some day, or be able to have children some day.
I know you’d much rather quit your job today to pursue the passions God has placed within you.
I know you feel like you’re at the tipping point of breakthrough, like the big moment you’ve been waiting months, years or your whole life for is so close you can feel it.
And I know every time your desires land in the laps of those around you, it’s hard to celebrate them. It’s hard not to feel like everyone’s getting picked for the game and you’re the overlooked yet eager one that nobody’s called on yet.
I get it. And I do believe God has been the one planting many of those seeds of desire in your hearts.
But when your long-awaited blessings have fallen on others, instead of looking at them in jealousy or judgement, wondering, “Why hasn’t this happened to me?” or “They didn’t even want or ask for it, and I’ve been praying like crazy,” or, "They don’t deserve this, I do,” why don’t you start celebrating them and let your heart be encouraged with hope + faith, knowing that if God did it for them, he can do it for you?
We are not in competition.
We are all on the same team.
And God blessing any of us at any time—even if not at the same time—is a team win worth celebrating. Because even though none of us deserve his goodness, he sees us all as worthy of getting in on it.
Isn’t it odd that the things God promises to give us feel like they’re impossible to wait with faith for?
It seems like the longer we wait, the more our hidden sense of entitlement + impatience rises to the top. The longer the wait, the more we see that we didn’t have as much faith or resilient endurance as we thought i had.
But I believe there’s a side of God and a side of you that is revealed in the waiting:
God proves to be constant, reassuring us of his faithfulness and his promise.
He gives us glimmers of hope—maybe even by giving others close to us what we so deeply desire—and challenges us to not waver in our trust of him.
But in waiting, we often prove ourselves to be prideful in thinking sooner rather than later is best for us, and selfish in making the God-given desire all about us. And though we may not say it, our hearts can be heard in heaven screaming at the top of their lungs that Veruca Salt classic, “Don’t care how, I want it now!”
Friend, these seeds of desire that God has planted in you are meant to sprout and grow and flourish... in his timing.
His word is self-fulfilling. Every single word that comes from his mouth always accomplishes what he spoke it for. He is faithful to finish everything he starts, which means he is also committed to cultivate every seed he plants. So I say all of that to say that the God-seeds that have been planted in your heart are not forgotten about.
It’s not that they can’t or won’t happen.
They can and will, but only in his perfect timing.
It’s not never. It’s not yet.
Friend, at the end of the day, let’s not be like those kids we all know and loathe that fall out in the middle of the aisle in the grocery store because their mom won’t let them have their way.
Let’s not cry and kick and scream when all our Daddy is trying to do is love on us, correct us, grow us and bless us by unfolding his good plans for us.
What if, instead, we chose to celebrate God’s surprises?
What if we welcomed heaven coming into our lives with hugs and open arms?
What if we stopped not letting God be God and started giving ourselves permission to just be children? To not worry about the what, when or how, but to trust his goodness and mercy will always show up?
What if the unplanned things were part of his good plan all along?